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[Newbie]

So how do you stop? How can you stop being addicted to it, even if it's only once a month? I mean, from my experiences, I looked at it even though I knew it was wrong and I felt horrible afterwards. Every time I would pray to God and tell him that I would stop… but it didn’t work. I just feel so hopeless on this subject, and dirty because I feel so alone about it… like I’m the only one.

[jimwalton]

Dear CuriousMind99,

I guess the first thing you need to know is that you are far from "the only one". So many people struggle with pornography (as a desire) and pornography (as an addiction). Now, it probably goes without saying that you became addicted to it because you have a weakness for it and a desire for it, and it built up to the point where it's an addiction (even at once a month). Your conscience is still at work (you know it's wrong and you feel horrible, even dirty, afterwards.) And God doesn't help, you say.

I'm not a counselor, but I can speak to you the Word of God. I'll first take you to James 1. 14. Temptation originates inside you, but you fed it. You know that, but here's the problem. You trained the temptation deeper into yourself. Here's how it works: Your body and your brain respond, not just to immediate stimuli, but get trained to repetitious patterns, just as muscle memory works You don't have to look when you go upstairs; your muscles have been trained. The brain has a property called neuroplasty, which is the ability to change its structure in significant ways. It can be changed by repetitive stimulation. In other words, you have trained in an addiction—biologically, emotionally, and spiritually. Just as James 1.14 says, your own evil desires dragged you away, enticed you, and enslaved you. By giving in to temptation, you trained yourself to give in more, and it was harder to resist each time.

The good news is that it's beatable by the same repetitious patterns in other directions. Neuroplasty works in both directions. Your brain can be retrained by different repetitive stimuli—even by your thoughts and intentions. Mental training that targets patterns of brain activity can work. Whether it's meditation, cognitive-behavrior therapy, Scripture reading, your brain can be retrained by you to change your addictive patterns. "Mindfully meditation" is one of the most effective tools to changing our emotional style. There will certainly be setbacks, but don't let them derail you.

Now I'll take you to Phil. 4.8-9. It's what you should set your mind on instead. Oh, the battle will be fierce, for sure, because your flesh wants the stimulation and the satisfaction of the porn. Rom. 12.2 says that God can help us be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Pray for strength (Eph. 6.10-13), but then you also do your part by turning away and training your mind to other stimuli such as the Word of God. This will not be an easy road, because you got into this mess from inside, so your inside is going to work against you (Rom. 7.15-25). But if the Spirit of God is also inside you, you can be free from your addiction (Rom. 8.2). Also look at Romans 8.5: when you set your mind on the things of the Spirit, you can be set free from the addictions of the flesh.

I'll finish with James 1.3-4. Perseverance is the key. The guy who quits before reaching the finish line doesn't win the race. You have to cross the line. You have to persevere to the point where perseverance can finish its work. Remember always that God is at work in you (Phil. 2.13) and desires to make you holy.

[gmw803]

I find it helpful to remember constantly that the woman you look at is a creation of a holy God, and that her biological father is peered with me as a teammate in desiring the best for our respective daughters. To be sure, this approach has flaws. But most of the identifiable flaws do more to expose whether you are serious about overcoming this, or if you are trying to blame God.