Board index ‹ Assorted Bible Questions

[Domino]

If God makes Himself known to anyone who honestly wants to find Him, then why isnt this happening for me?

I've been trying so hard and also not trying at all because you aren't supposed to try. I've been trying to do better, but I know that that's worthless because it doesnt matter since I'm still a sinner. Which is interesting, because works dont determine your salvation, yet being in a state of sin post-salvation can make you worthy of hell. God is a loving God who prefers order over chaos, but I've been driven to the edge of sanity multiple times trying to find Him, and I'm having yet another manic(?) episode right now in this pursuit. His existence is supposed to be obvious just by looking at the world around me, and while it's impressive, I've found explanations for why it could be there just by itself.

How is this good? I know I'm not supposed to question God's goodness and just be faithful, but how am I supposed to be content and happy when I dont even know if hes real and that I'm not just on some cheap trick that disappears with me when I die and vanish into the void?

In other words, why does it seem like God DOESN'T want me to find Him? Am I just one of those people described in the Bible as those who are blinded and doomed to blindness? I used to be on fire for God, but now I'm stuck here. How is this justifiable at all?

[jimwalton]

No, you're not doomed to blindness.

I feel your pain. Seriously. I went through a time of life where I was desperately seeking God, and for several years, the more I sought him, the worse things got. I fell into a seriously deep depression, and the more I prayed and read the Bible, the more angry at God I got. At this point many people would have walked away and become de-converted atheists, but I hung on. I never stopped seeking Him, as horrible as it all was. I questioned God's existence, His love, His goodness, the truth of the Bible, and the truth of Christianity. I felt so alone and deserted, even rejected. I, too, asked, "What kind of God are you!?!???", feeling that none of it was justifiable.

I hung on and kept seeking God, and eventually, slowly, He started teaching me and responding to me. I started to understand things I didn't use to understand, and to actually have moments of "Oh, I get it" and even some peace in my heart. In the years since then, God has revealed much to me. I'm SO glad I hung on. As I look back at that horrible time, it was also a time when God was teaching me so very many things (I kept a journal and have gone back to read), and I didn't even realize it. My world was so dark I couldn't even see what was happening in me, and I couldn't see God. Though when I read my journal now, I can see that He was there and teaching me some very difficult lessons. The result is that I understand things I never would have understood if God hadn't allowed me to go through that awful spiritual mud pit. There are things about God I know now that I would never have been able to grasp if I hadn't experienced that aloneness, desertion, and all the questioning, yelling, anger, praying, and reading that I did during that time. I can honestly say that the worst time of my life turned out to be one of the most productive spiritual growth times I ever had (not that I ever want to go through that again).

So I would encourage you, based on my experience, to hang in there and keep searching. God is doing something in you and will make Himself known in good time (much to your frustration that it's not now). You will be stronger for it if you don't give up.

> His existence is supposed to be obvious just by looking at the world around me, and while it's impressive, I've found explanations for why it could be there just by itself.

Romans 1.20 doesn't promise that God will reveal Himself to you through nature, but only that His power and divinity can be seen in its grandeur. Of course explanations have been devised for why it could be there just by itself, but there are elements of logic and science that show us that things don't self-generate, and that the kind of balance and complexity we see in many things points to the logic that it was designed by a great intelligence.

> I know I'm not supposed to question God's goodness and just be faithful, but how am I supposed to be content and happy when I dont even know if hes real and that I'm not just on some cheap trick that disappears with me when I die and vanish into the void?

I think questioning God is a beneficial pursuit. Be honest with Him. Say what's on your mind. Yell at Him, read the Bible, spend extended times very quiet in prayer, meditate on Bible verses (over and over and over), criticize God, complain. God can take it. Work through your doubts and questions. Scream at God, but also read the Bible. I will guarantee you that things will eventually become more clear if you hang in there.